My sisters visit

I just realized I didnt blog about my absolutely adorable niece. My sister came to visit for 2 weeks, and although I didnt get to spend as much time as I wanted with them I will soak up and hold close the time that was spent. Adi actually loved me this time. She is so darn cute. Definitely a princess!

We were able to take all the kids to the park and spend some much needed time in the sun. But of course Eric decided to bring home the flu and share it with all of his family. So we werent able to be around them for the last few days before they left. Check out the very cute pictures of her.

Spring is here

And its time for a few updates.

Steve and I are back from our quick but long day trip to LA to meet with the Agency. We arrived in LA at about 9:30 am, that airport is HUGE. Our car that was supposed to be waiting for us was nowhere to be seen so we ended up hoping in a taxi for our first apt. I had to take a 600 question test on the computer, I guess you could say a personality test. We had our psych evaluation, which included a long question and answer time with the Dr. We were cleared by the psychologist to proceed with the process. She was amazed by my strength after the loss of my son (as I have found that most are). We then hoped in another taxi and headed to Pasadena for our medical tests. Blood work and a Uterine exam. All went well, although Steve looked a little ghostly as he was being pricked. They did an ultrasound on me to make sure everything looked good and was in its place. No cysts and all is well. So our next step is to start looking at profiles to find a match. I'm so excited about this. I can't wait to start looking through profiles and then to finally meet the intended parents! So exciting!!

With the start of spring it was time to start my garden. While beginning I noticed that I had 2 bulbs growing and beginning to bloom. Took me a few days to realize where they had come from, but we did. My dad planted them after Andy died. They were some of the flowers I had took home from Sarah's house after the funeral. Well they bloomed on St Patricks day, which was the mark of 1 year of his passing. How perfect! Beautiful flowers that will forever remind me of him now when I look at them. That night I actually had a very long "Andy" moment. One of my firsts actually. I think my mind is finally letting me grasp the fact that he is gone and not coming back. Man I miss that guy. I'm so blessed to have had him part of my life. And I will make sure my children grow to know what an amazing man/godfather he was.

Anyways, I planted all kinds of things this year and I hope that my green thumb has become green and not black. Usually I cant grow or keep anything alive. We have carrots, cantaloupe, watermelon, pumpkins, brussels sprouts, and sunflowers so far. I'm headed back to the store this week for some strawberries and some herbs. Gardening has become one of my favorite things to do. Its therapy for me. And to look outside and see things growing makes it even better!

Anthony is doing terrific in school. He has all 3s and all Os. I'm so proud of him. He's been losing teeth left and right, pretty soon that boy will have more money than me. He has been trying to sweet talk me into putting him in full contact football. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. Kind of scary to me. But I told him I would really think about it.

Eric is doing wonderful in school as well. He has made such progress in writing his name and letters. Its amazing to me how quick he can grasp things. Jaxson and Xavier are just alike. They fight all day long with each other and it drives me insane. Very rarely do I catch them playing nicely together. So if the house goes quiet too long, I know something is up. Jaxson is seeing a speech therapist every Thursday and we have been seeing some progress which is great. We finally took his crib down and put his twin bed in his room. So now him and Eric sleep in the same room. So far so good. Although they wake up super early and now Jaxson is able to just get up. Xavier is a big dude. Talks up a storm and he knows how to hold his own in this house. Hes got a bit of a temper. He knows what he wants and when he wants it. They are all growing like weeds and keeping me on my toes. Im tired most days by about 7pm, but it is all worth it.

As for me, I'm doing great. Still trying to work on myself. Ive put the job search on hold for right now. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go back to work, but after sending out a dozen resumes and not hearing anything I got a little discouraged. But I will start again soon. I'm having a blast with the local MOMS group that I am in. We do a lot of things during the week and just love to go out and have fun. Its great and I couldn't ask for a better group of women.

My new journey

Some of you know and some of you don't know about the new journey I will be embarking upon. I have been thinking about this long and hard for almost a year. Although it has been in my thoughts and life long dreams for much longer than that, I am finally beginning this new journey. This was a pretty big decision that Steve and I had to make on our own. There was a lot of thought that went into this descision and I am proud to announce.

This coming Wed we will start the journey of surrogacy. We have decided to give someone the most precious gift ever.....life. This is a long process and will be a long journey. It isnt something that happens overnight. Wed is our first step of many. Steve and I will be flying out to LA for the agencies full assessment and psych evaluation. We have already been cleared and accepted but this is only phase one. I will not be "pregnant" for at least 6 more months (most likely longer). There will be many steps and many phases and I cannot wait!

I cannot even imagine not having had my 5 children. They are the reason I am here, my life, my whole world. Without them I would be lost. I know how it feels to lose a child, but I could never imagine the feeling of not ever being able to have had that child. I am a firm believer that it is better to have had loved and lost than to have never loved at all. And what better feeling will it be to be able to give someone that love and that child that they cannot themselves have without help from a surrogate.

For those of you with questions...let me try and answer some. This will not be my child in any way. Not my egg. I will be basically giving their baby a place to "rent" or "live" for 10 months. In no way shape or form will it be related to me. This is a  long process (as I said above), therefore I will NOT be getting pregnant on Wed. I will get to look and meet potential parents and between Steve and I we will get to chose who we believe to be the right people. And then in return the parents will get to look at us and do the same. This is very exciting news for us, so I am hoping that our friends and family will support us every step of the way. I will be blogging often to keep everyone updated on this exciting journey.

2nd annual Joey Demello SIDS Walk

Our journey began on March 12 at about 1:30pm. We had 411 miles to go. Mom was driving, me in the passenger seat and Miss Jill in the back of the cobalt! We saw some interesting things on our way. We entered a few rain storms, but they weren't too bad. We ended up a little lost in the end but after 9 hours of driving (mom drove it all) we finally arrived to our hotel. The Hampton Inn and Suites in Camarillo CA was beautiful. Our room was great! After checking in to our room Jill and I decided to go out and about to look around. We found an In N Out and had dinner. Then just drove around to scope out the town. It was dark but we could tell we were gonna have a blast. We called it a night at about 10.

The next morning came quick and I was anxious to get ready for our big day. With our Alex shirts on we arrived at Constitution Park at about 8:30am. There were people everywhere. We found Yolanda and said Hi. Checked in and got our numbers pinned to our shirts. The walk began at about 9:15am. 5k here we come. Let me just tell you how gorgeous Camarillo is. There are flowers EVERYWHERE, it smells like flowers, the sidewalks are spacious and clean, birds are chirping. I would kill to live in this town. It made our walk very enjoyable. It was a long walk but worth every step. I knew I was walking for my son and for all of our Sacramento SIDS babies. We ended the walk in 1hr 7 min. After the walk there was a beautiful ceremony to present awards to all the police, fire, and emt people that helped Yolanda on that dreaded day her daughter passed. White doves were released, a band played, and songs for the kids. It was a very fun filled yet sad day. Bittersweet to the fullest.

We enjoyed the rest of our day at Ventura Beach. Watched the sunset and had dinner. It was going to be an early night since we were all pretty tired from the busy day. There were a lot of laughs, a few tears shed, but a wonderful time all in all! I cant thank Yolanda enough for making it possible for us to come and join in the walk. We had a fabulous time and cannot wait to have a walk here in Sacramento. I will post pictures as soon as I get my camera unpacked.