5 months

Alexander Lee:

5 months ago today you were taken from me. A part of me died when you did. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I see pictures of you in every room of the house. At times I smile at the thought of your precious little face. Your big huge eyes and your adorable smile. Other times tears will just stream down my face as I wonder why you were taken from this world so soon. I miss you more and more. You brought to me more joy than you will ever imagine. I can still remember how you smelled and the cute little sounds you made while you slept. You were Mommy's little cuddle bug and I miss that.

I know you are up above watching over us. I know your godfather is up there with you and taking great care of you. Sometimes this all still feels like a nightmare, like I am going to wake up and you will be laying right next to me with your eyes open wide smiling at me. I wish it was.

I miss you monkey, more than words can explain. You will forever live in my heart, and will always be remembered by all of the people you touched. You touched more people in 3 1/2 short months than some will ever touch in a whole lifetime.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Thomas Family Update

Well things are slowly trying to fall back in place. I have a new normal that I have created. Missing Alex and Andy everyday but I must press on for my surviving children.

Anthony has started an art bereavment therapy group for children. He seems to like it and it seems to be helping him a tad. He also gets to go to something called Camp Hope on May 1. Its a Camp retreat for children that have lost someone close to them. They will be doing a ton of activities and meeting some other children that are going through somewhat of the same thing as he is. He will be there for a whole weekend. He looks foward to it. He has also started baseball. He plays for the Giants in the Citrus Heights Pony Baseball. Its so much fun to go out and watch.

Eric.....where do I begin. Hes still Eric. Mommys boy. Very smart and so ready for preschool. He wakes up talking and falls asleep talking.

Jaxson.....he has hit the terrible twos. He has learned the biting technique. When he wants a toy from Eric or Anthony he BITES them. Im trying to get that under control before it gets out of control.

Xavier....he will be walking any day now. He walks along the couch and prefers to stand over sitting or crawling. He is a character. Very happy little guy. He says Ba Ba when he wants his bottle and he loves to hear himself scream.

Easter was great other than the fact there was 2 very important people missing from the celebration. Even though Andy and Alex werent there in body, I do however believe they were there in spirit. I know they were looking down on us smiling. 2 weeks ago I talked to the Medical Examiner and she went over the results of the autopsy..

Cause of Death was listed as Sudden Unexplained Death while Bedsharing

Manner of Death was listed as Natural.

I thought that getting his results would somehow help me but it was just the opposite. I hit another road block after getting the results. Natural??? I mean I thought natural was an elderly person that dies of old age....not a 3 1/2 month old infant that stops breathing in his sleep. I am however still waiting to get my stuff back from the Citrus Heights Police Department. Since the case is closed it should be anytime now.

Well just wanted to give you a quick update. I will write more as soon as I have a little more time.