One year ago today what was I doing??? I was holding my precious baby boy Alexander in my arms in the hospital. Alexander Lee was born at 12:13am and Xavier Luis at 12:14 am. Xavier was having some difficulties breathing since they were born a few weeks early, so he was transported to another hospital to stay in the NICU and Alexander and I were left to bond. I can remember at 5am when the nurse brought my tiny little 5lb 10 ounce baby boy to me to hold for the first time. He was such a little guy. With dark brown hair and some big beautiful brown-ish grey eyes. I remember sitting and staring at him for hours before visitors starting pouring in. I took a few pictures and sent them to Steve so he could see our precious son. I was a proud proud mommy of 2 new beautiful lil boys. Little did I know my world would be turned upside down just 3 1/2 months later.
Well today August 7, 2009 they are 1 years old. One here with me and one in heaven, very bittersweet. We thought about how to celebrate this birthday and at the same time remember Alexander and the precious moments we had with him. Anticipation for this day has been building up inside of me ready to explode. We tried the best we could to make it a happy day, since it will always remain one of my happiest. With a few close family members and friends we decided to do just that. Cupcakes with the words Xavier and Alex 1 years old. Blue Balloons to write special letters or memories and to release them in the air. A few gifts, some good food, tears, and alot of love. Although it was tough to sit and think that I am suppost to have 2 boys turning one, we did make the best of it. To see Xaviers eyes light up when singing Happy Birthday to him warmed my heart and made it ache at the same time. Mixed emotions. Tears and Smiles. Sobs and laughs. I wrote my son a letter from the heart. Although I cant explain the pain I feel with words I want him to know how much he is loved and how we will always carry him close to our hearts. Every memory that I have of him holds a special place in my heart and always will.
I decided to hang a blue ribbon in our front yard on a tree from August 7 till November 23 to represent the short yet meaningful life my son lived here with us, in this home. I am proud to be his mom and proud of the 4 living children I have as well.
Happy Birthday Alexander and Xavier. Love your mommy.
