Grief Resolution

I RESOLVE..... .....

That I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like grieving, and that I will not let others put a time table on my grief.

That I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or shouldn't be feeling and how I should or shouldn't be behaving.

That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should be "brave" or "getting better" or "healing by now".

That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and I will not let others turn me off just because they can't deal with their own feelings.

That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, understanding that someone who has not lost a child cannot possibly know how it feels.

That I will not blame myself for my childs death, and I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could have possibly done. But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it will pass.

That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is necessary.

That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won't feel compelled to explain this communion to others to justify or even discuss it with them.

That I will try to eat, sleep and exercise every day in order to give my body the strength it will need to help me cope with my grief. To know that I am not losing my mind and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy, and a sense of vulnerability are all normal parts of the grief process.

To know that I will heal, even though it will take a long time. To let myself heal and not to feel guilty about feeling better.

To remind myself that the grief process is circuitous- that is, I may not make steady upward progress. And when I find myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that slipping backward is also a normal part of the grief process and these moods too will pass.

To try to be happy about something for some part of everyday, knowing that at first, I may have to force myself to think cheerful thoughts so eventually they can become a habit.

That I will reach out at times and try to help someone else, knowing that helping others will help me to get over my depression.

That even though my child is dead, I will opt for life, knowing that is what my child would want me to do.